On our recent vacation, tears started streaming down my face. After a few minutes, I felt like I was a sobbing mess. Why were tears flowing on our vacation? It should be a happy time.
I was standing there on the beach with the sand between my toes thinking about my girls first beach trip. I had to hold their hand and not let go. My hands had to protect the girls from the huge waves crashing right at their thighs. Fast forward a few years later and my hands no longer have the job of protecting the girls. They are able to swim freely and jump the waves as they crashed at their feet. This yearning feeling would not go away. The words please hold my hand kept wanting to leap from my mouth.
As a mom, we spend the early years meeting every need and demand of our children, but as the years fly by, our children eventually no longer need us to meet their every need and demand. The “will you get me a bowl of cereal?” turns into, I am going to go pour me a bowl of cereal. The dependency fades into independency.
I know M and L are spreading their wings. Their wings are beginning to flap but are not quite ready to take off from the ground. I still want them to need me. I want them to ask for my hand. Thankfully, M still loves to sit beside me on the couch and we will hold each other tight. L still loves to walk into a store with her arms wrapped around me. In fact, once we get out of the car, she is wrapping my arm around her arm. She may not ask for my hand, but she will reach for my arm.
My heart yet is still heavy because I know they don’t need me to do every little thing for them. I want to do every little thing for them. My heart aches for them to be more dependent on me.
As they look into the future and hold their sister conversations, I will continue to cherish each and every moment. They will both always be my babies. My hands and arms will always be available to pick them up when they fall. My prayer is they will continuously ask God for guidance and direction for their future. Even though I cannot walk and hold their hand to protect them, I do feel a sense of peace knowing our almighty God can.
M and L, please hold me hand…